To VBAC or not to VBAC, that is the question.

Today I went to the hospital to pre-register and tour Labor and Delivery. During pre-registration I was asked all kinds of questions and I could answer all of them except for "What kind of delivery are you having?" I have been stressing over this question for the entire pregnancy.

As soon as I was pregnant the questions began looming over me. Do I schedule a repeat c-section at 39 weeks? Do I get induced at 39 weeks and try to deliver vaginally? Do I wait for labor to start spontaneously and try to deliver vaginally? Do I want to risk uterine rupture by trying to VBAC (Vaginal Birth After C-section)? Do I opt for a repeat c-section and deal with the recovery from major surgery? What are my reasons for wanting to VBAC? What am I trying to prove by attempting a VBAC? What are the pros and cons of each? And on and on and on....

I've wavered back and forth. It depends on the day and how I'm feeling. One day I'm all for VBAC, and the next day I'm ready to just schedule the c-section and know exactly when I'll get to meet my little man.

A few weeks ago I had decided to just go ahead and schedule the c-section. Recovery from the last wasn't that bad and at least I'd know what to expect. I could arrange for Cakes care in advance and I'd know exactly when the boy would be here. No scrambling around while in labor trying to get to the hospital etc.

But that's one of the things I regret about my c-section. I was induced at 40 weeks because my doctor gave me that option. I didn't go into labor spontaneously. I knew when I'd be going to the hospital and that I would meet my daughter within a day. At the time I was hugely pregnant, highly uncomfortable and so very excited to meet her! But I should have waited. Perhaps if I did I could have had my ideal birth - no epidural, no meds, all natural birth. But instead I endured 18 hours of labor (without an epidural) that ended in a c-section. Or would have I ended up with a c-section anyway? I didn't dilate over 3cm and Cakes head never was even close to my cervix. Was my pelvis to narrow for her to fit and that's why she never descended? That's what my OB concluded.

So what makes me think that this time will be different? The boy is measuring about the same size or larger than Cakes. Do I wait to go into labor spontaneously and labor for hours only to end up with a c-section anyways? And do I risk uterine rupture which could be fatal to both the boy and to me?

But, the risk of uterine rupture is only about 1%. The nurse I talked to today has, in her 8 years in labor and deliver, never seen a uterine rupture and has witness many successful VBACs. They are very VBAC friendly and are extra vigilant in keeping a close eye on both mom and baby for any signs of complications or distress. If there is any indication of even the slightest problem they do not hesitate to go ahead with a c-section. If I can successfully VBAC the hospital stay would be shorter and the recovery would be minimal. The pros definitely outweigh the cons, but there is that 1% chance, and I'm not so sure that I can or want to take that risk.

So here I am at 35 almost 36 weeks, not knowing what to do. I need a sign, some kind of sign...like going into labor at 39 weeks. I'm hoping the boy will ultimately make the decision.