But, I am not a shy person by any means. I will speak my mind if need be.
Well, need be.
Today, I read a very interesting article over at the Better Homes and Gardens' blog written by Heather W. titled The 10 Commandments of Dining with Little Kids. This article offers parents and non-parents 10 "gentle reminders" on how to behave at an upscale restaurant. I should have know from the very first sentence that I was going to have issue with what was written. When an article begins "Let me be clear: I am not anti-kid" you know it is going to be anti-kid, and evidently anti-breastfeeding!
If you didn't read the article, here's a brief overview:
Don't block traffic with bulky strollers
Don't order a 10-course dinner
Don't treat your server like a sitter
DON'T BREAST FEED AT THE TABLE
Order kid food
Don't take pictures or video
Don't bring noisy toys
Don't let your child scream
Don't allow your kids to run around
Don't let your kids have a food fight
Wow, this Heather W. has a handle on parenting for sure! Someone needs to get her a book deal.
I normally don't get too bothered when I read such unintelligent garbage, but really. Who is she writing this article for? Sure, several of the "commandments" are legitimate, but aren't they just common sense/courtesy?
The one "commandment" that I take massive issue with is the one on not breastfeeding at the table.
THOU SHALT NOT BREAST FEED AT THE TABLEAre you kidding me? Take it to the ladies room?
Yes, I have seen table-side breast feeding at a four-star restaurant. If at all possible, take it to the ladies room. (Note: most upscale restaurants have really nice restrooms!)
There is nothing wrong or inappropriate about nursing your baby in public. In fact, in 44 states, a woman has the legal right to breastfeed wherever she wants. As a very pro-breastfeeding mama, I am disappointed by not only the writer's ignorance, but some of the commentators remarks as well. Even more so, disappointed that such a well respected magazine, who claims to be pro woman and family, would publish such nonsense.
It's opinions and attitudes such as this that make it a reality that only 32% of U.S. babies are exclusively breastfed at 3 months of age. It's opinions and attitudes like this that made me feel like I had to nurse my child in the bathroom. Being a breastfeeding mom in the U.S. is tough. We shouldn't be met with such resistance. It shouldn't even be an issue where a woman chooses to nurse her child.
BHG.com claims to be the premier home and family site. They should use their influence to help promote and normalize breastfeeding, not make it harder on breastfeeding moms.
If you feel strongly about this, I urge you to let them know. I know I'm going to!
Send a letter to:
BHG.com
Meredith Corporation
1716 Locust Street
Des Moines, IA 50309-3023
Send an email to: support@bhg.com
Leave a comment on BHG.com's Facebook page
Send them a message on Twitter @BHG
Update: Better Homes and Gardens edited the original post by removing the anti-breastfeeding comment, changed the title to The 9 commandments...and offered up this apology.
Editor's note: We apologize for the patently inappropriate sections, which we have removed from the post. We support breastfeeding moms -- and all moms -- in their desire to include their children in their public lives.I think the entire article should have been removed. What do you think? Was the apology enough? Have your feelings about Better Homes and Gardens changed?
We pledge to do better in the future in both the tone and content of our posts. We will be posting our positive parenting tips for eating out soon. Send us yours at http://www.facebook.com/topic.php?uid=72571226018&topic=13849.
--The editorial team at Better Homes and Gardens
21 comments:
My thoughts exactly!! No person would choose to eat their meal in a room where urine and feces spores are flying about...and in an era where people are starting to see just how necessary/important breastfeeding is...it's like this lady was stepping back in time.
I have and will continue to nurse my son WHEREVER he wants, WHENEVER he wants. And, as a facebook group says, if breastfeeding offends that person, s/he can put a blanket over his/her head!
Thanks for sharing! I plan to write them as well!
WOW. Thanks for bringing this to my attention. UGH. Attitudes like this make me sooo angry. It also makes me want to go to a 5 Star restaurant and whip my boob out!
LOL.
= )
Email sent, I posted a link to this on my blog, as well! Thank you for standing tall in how you feel!!
I also think it's just as degrading that they offer a recipe for pasta as if to say, "just stay home if you are breastfeeding!"
Preach it Milky Mama! Sending email immediately. Normalize breastfeeding, nurse in public. I am so thankful for my "weird" upbringing where I didn't know about baby bottles til I was a teenager, just always thought all babies were exclusively BF.
AHHH!! This makes me so mad! I will breastfeed my son in a 4 star restaurant if I want! At least I cover up and only because I don't want people like this chick looking at my boobs! This is so sad...
I agree with you!!! also, I gave you an award on my site: http://mommysdiaperdreams.blogspot.com/
They'll be apologizing for a while... the whole article STINKS. Obviously the person who wrote it is "anti-kid". It inflamed even my pre-Cub ideals!!
I do not think the apology and removing the breastfeeding "commandment" were enough. Not catching it before allowing it to be published is ridiculous, in my opinion. I also got the vibe that the person writing the article is "anti-kid". Offering recipes to make at home for each "commandment" was a little overboard. My opinion of BHG has definitely changed and not for the better!
WOW....
What about us moms who have special needs kids? Are we supposed to NOT go out to eat? I have an autistic son, and yes, we have to bring 'noisy' toys, and he does get up from the table on occasion, and yes, I have been know to take a picture of him (for therapy reasons), and YES..sometimes my autistic child will let out a scream. But he is easily calmed and for the most part, he is perfectly fine at restaurants. I HAVE to expose him to these situations, so he can learn the right and wrong way to act. For us, it isn't all about 'eating out', it's also about teaching him and getting him used to these kinds of situations.
Maybe the author should just stay home and eat with her kids...so she doesn't have to be exposed to 'people like us'.
Such an irritating article!!! I could just go on and on....
I'm definitely writing to them!
Some of the comments are even very insulting..
There is even one saying the parents should clean up the table themselves. Maybe I am the ignorant one here, but I am paying so that I am not the one doing the work. To me this includes the clean up! I do try to gather most of the mess into a pile on the plate etc. but not every time, and I don't feel bad about it one bit lol.
I work in a bar, cleaning it after it closes and those people make a bigger mess than my kids ever do in a restaurant!
No I do not believe the apology was acceptable.That article should of never been published.I left a note on that article.Maybe I am too emotional but the post ticked me off to no end.As a mom to 7 who have all been breastfed everywhere I go.My child is hungry and I will feed him/her discretely.W either someone likes it or not.I do not tell the person next to me who is chewing with their mouth open,sounding like a pig,to go sit in the bathroom because it is distracting.
BH&G Magazine is nothing more than overly advertised, meaningless dribble, apparently BH&G "blog" is no different.
(And is there no content control on the part of BH&G of this "blog"? I find that hard to believe.)
Hi Chanda,
I'm commenting to let you know we read your post and the comments following it. You're right--the post was entirely inappropriate and should not have been published. Our official apology is here: http://www.facebook.com/notes/better-homes-and-gardens/statement-on-shine-story/397816569478
Again, we are so sorry for posting this and offending you and your readers. We are working toward and hope we can regain your trust!
Best,
Joanna
Joanna Linberg
Assistant Editor
Better Homes and Gardens
Wow! I'm glad there is an apology. That being said, this sort of mindset is what's wrong in the US, a bunch of over-weight, over-indulgent,formula-bias Americans can sit in a restaurant and consume calories from high-fat sources while a mom and infant should sit in a nasty bathroom while the infant consumes that best calories on Earth, made by nature? That's just gross.
I came here looking for your Dooce interview, but was happy to find this post.
I read the BH&G article after the dust up started. And that very night I felt a flush of discomfort when I needed to nurse my son at the table in a restaurant. Every time anti-nursing sentiments (and anti-public-nursing sentiments ARE anti-nursing) are expressed it's harmful. I'm glad to see that so many mamas reacted with such force.
I also think BH&G's reaction is sufficient. Clearly, they're not going to let something like that get by them again.
Shame on BHG! The whole thing is ridiculous. Yes, we'd all love to go out to eat and have our children act like angels. That goes without being said. But.life.happens. Kids are not always angels and have minds of their own. Yes, we should do our best to keep them in line and not ever let them run around and so on and so on, but let's get real.
As for breastfeeding in the bathroom. Disgusting. That lady should take her dinner in the bathroom and see how she feels about it. Obviously, she is not a parent. If she is, she probably has a nanny and never takes her children out in public.
Oh my word!!! Unbelievable! I can't believe they didn't pull the whole article. Just terrible.
I nursed my kids till 16months and I would feed them anywhere. I didn't use a cover because it distracted my baby. But I was discreet of course.
May I remind the ignorant North Americans out there that breastfeeding is WHY WE HAVE BREASTS!!!
So many different problems on so many different levels. I don't know where to start. The fact that breastfeeding is seen as some kind of "problem" is in itself horrific. The article is now pulled completely. That article was wrong on so many levels. Was is meant to be humorous? Or was it meant to be funny on some kind of sick level? I just don't get it.
The comments about how people don't think it is right to breast feed at the dinner table. Wow! Perhaps we should all eat behind a curtain. How about people who chew with their mouths open?!? Talk about disgusting.
The ones who feel their rights to be at a 4 or 5 star restaurant are greater than my rights with a child is quite plainly discrimination.
BHG did the right thing by pulling the article. Who knows who edits Heather W.'s things? Maybe this one slipped through the cracks somehow. I don't know. They seemed to do the right thing and I can forgive.
I'm so glad they finally pulled the entire article. I was of course upset about the breastfeeding remark, but really the entire piece rubbed me the wrong way!
Thank you, BHG!
This: "In fact, in 44 states, a woman has the legal right to breastfeed wherever she wants." stopped me dead in my tracks. I am not exaggerating when I say that statement is as shocking to me as if you had written "In fact, in 44 stats, a woman has the legal right to breathe." It is equally absurd, to my mind. How is it even possible that breastfeeding wherever, whenever isn't a legal right in ALL states? (I'm in Canada; it would never have crossed my mind that this was something that was an issue, from a legal rights perspective, in the US.) More importantly, how is it possible that "legal rights" are even a part of a discussion about breastfeeding?! Ug, so depressing. Thanks for standing up for the breastfeeding mamas - and hopefully encouraging more woman to breastfeed.
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