It's signs like this that make me think that breastfeeding could become the normal way to feed babies again.
But, maybe it's sending the wrong sign.
Breastfeeding is undeniably my normal, but I have learned that others seem to disagree. Like when I was told to feed my 3-month old baby in the bathroom, or when my brother stated that he thought it was disgusting that I nurse my children, or when people have run out of the room I was nursing in because they felt like it was an intimate act not to be done in public (mind you, this was in my own home), or the latest, when Heather W. at the Better Homes and Garden blog suggested that breastfeeding women should "take it to the bathroom".
It's acts like those that made me feel like I should nurse in the car while out and about, or as a last resort, nurse in a bathroom. It's attitudes like those that make it hard to be a breastfeeding mom.
I wish I had been confident enough to nurse in public. I wish I had been brave enough. I could have helped "normalize" it.
Instead, I nursed in the car so as not to offend anyone. But why would it be offensive? How can the natural act of feeding my child, the way a child was meant to be fed, be even remotely offensive?
I appreciate that there is a nursing room at the aquarium and at the amusement park, and it is really nice that they offer a private place to nurse, but why should I "have" to nurse my child tucked away, out of sight? Why do I feel like I should hide away?
It's a social issue. One that needs to change.
Do you feel that breastfeeding mothers should nurse in private? As a breastfeeding mom, do you feel that you should nurse in private? Do you think having nursing rooms sends the wrong message?
32 comments:
You should never need to hide and feed your child , after i fed my first daughter in a bathroom stinking of poo i swore never again and have fed in many diffrent places . Had a lovely conversation with a mum the other day when she say me feeding my 20m old , she did not know you could feed that long.
I am in Scotland and the laws are diffrent , we are allowed to feed anywhere and buisnesses can be given a heap of trouble if they say anything.
I do though think the nursing rooms can be a good idea , we have a few in our local shopping centre and i like them because the chairs are comfy and they sometimes provide pillows/magazines . Plus one is a nice decent size with toys and games to keep my older children occupied if needed. I never felt i was hiding away there but that it was making it easier.
Not sure this is making much sense...its 7am here
We live in the Middle East and culturally, it's inappropriate to nurse in public.. even with a cover. Fortunately, if I get out of my own neighborhood and head into town, it's super touristy and they're used to seeing everything there so I can nurse him in public with a cover.
We do have an IKEA with a nursing room and I LOVED it. I felt much more comfortable. I have anxiety issues and it makes me really anxious to worry about whether or not I'm offending anyone when I nurse him in public, so the room was fantastic. Like the last commenter, said, it was a very comfy room too :)
I dont think the sign is inappropriate, it gives shy women a place to go, and of course drawing attention to it can be a double edged sword, but I only know of a couple of people that think it's 'weird' to nurse, and they were not educated beyond high school, therefore, their attitudes never changed. They all DD'd and formula fed for convenience and that was all. They have good kids, so what can I say? You just do what you have to do. NIP people, it's OKAY!
I do not think that sends the wrong message; in fact because of the prevailing attitudes you touched upon, I think it's actually a step in the right direction. When I'm nursing I feel like I can't go out with the baby unless I can think of a private area to nurse in. It's not so much that I'm afraid of offending anyone; to be frank I am large-breasted and can't really just "whip it out" in public without giving everyone a show--it's my own modesty that comes into play. I also am a fan of nursing covers because I have found that no one really seems to give a second look if you're nursing in public but the baby (and your body!) is well-covered.
I wrote a post that I want you to look at:
http://zookeeperjess.blogspot.com/2009/06/i-absolutely-love-this-picture.html
And in it, I quote a fellow twitter follower:
" Breastfeeding is normal, not sexual. When you * #NIP, you help normalize #bfing. When you hide, you say #breastfeeding should be hidden." -ramills08
*NIP = nurse in public.
Please remember this! It's true. If we hide, we say breastfeeding should be hidden. If we nurse in public, we help normalize breastfeeding!
I'm not a mom yet, but I do plan to breastfeed, so obviously I'm not grossed out by it at all.
However, to me, it's about the attitude. I don't want to go to a fancy restaurant and see a mom at the next table "whip it out" and watch her child go to town. It seems like a lot of breastfeeding moms are just looking for a fight. They dare others to say something about what they're doing. I understand that breastfeeding is a wonderful thing, and it is a choice to be proud of making, but why rub it in other people's faces? You wouldn't potty in front of people, and that's just as "natural."
I think the idea of designated breastfeeding rooms is awesome. I'd never use a bathroom either, because of the germs, smell, etc. But if I had to, I wouldn't mind going to my car. Modesty is important, and that means not only keeping yourself unexposed, but respecting those who don't want to see your goodies... especially other people's children.
I'm planning on breast feeding my baby (that is due in August), I'm not exactly sure that I am comfortable with feeding in public but then again it is probably because people make it so taboo. Me and my mom had this discussion the other day (she breastfed me for a week). If I'm in my home I don't care who is here I am not hiding. If I go to my mother in laws I will probably go to the bedroom because I don't want to make my father in law uncomfortable, the same with my grandmothers because I don't think she would like that.
But its a hard thing when you are out in public because I don't care were I am at I am not feeding my baby in a bathroom I don't care how clean it is in there thats disgusting! I don't see what the big deal about feeding in public is as long as your wearing a nursing cover.
It's interesting what everyone is saying, and I think it reiterates my point. We feel like we need to nurse in private because of what the general public thinks we should do. I'm every bit as guilty. I did not like to nurse in public because I was afraid someone would say something to me.
I can nurse without a cover and without showing myself. It's not about physically exposing myself. It was about the inference that I was exposing something I shouldn't.
When I began this post, it was going to be about how great it was to see a nursing room. As I started to write, it occured to me that yes, having nursing rooms available is great, but that it's the same message reinforced over and over in our society, that we should go somewhere out of sight to nurse. I think that is the problem.
I have mixed feelings on the subject. I agree that women should not be made to feel like they have to hide when nursing. I used to go to the car too in the early days, and now I am so glad I am comfortable enough to do it out in public. It has made life much more convenient and comfortable. That being said, my 9-month-old is highly distractable. He will pop on and off 30 times if we are not in complete quiet. So at a busy public place like that I might appreciate a quite place to get away so baby could get down to business and actually eat. But I feel like people need to see nursing out in public, so I'm a bit torn. Thanks for the post.
i think it is nice for conservative mom's to have a more private place to nurse and not have to use a public restroom, which is absolutely disgusting. there are many mom's, especially those with squirmy, rambunctious babies who will not nurse covered up, that are more comfortable breastfeeding in a quiet, secluded space. and there are some babies who will not nurse unless the environment is free of distractions- they are so curious about what is going on around them they won't get down to business.
all that said, i am not a conservative mom. i have no problem nursing in public. i have nursed both my kids in all manner of places and situations. i have never had anyone ask me to cover up or go in the bathroom- thank god, because seriously, i might have to hit somebody!
i think nursing rooms are a great idea in busy public areas, but by no means should a woman ever be made to feel like she has to use them.
Audra-I am glad you plan on breastfeeding but really hope you feel differently once you do. I don't feel breastfeeding women are "looking for a fight," but are on the defensive and prepared for attacks as we have all faced. It's hard being a breastfeeding mom b/c we are in the minority and so many people wrongly think it's dirty. I also don't think the mere act of nursing my baby is "rubbing it in people's faces." He needs to eat. I can take care of that. I can also take care of it discreetly without a cover. I'm not going to feel ashamed about that. The natural act of breastfeeding does not equate to the natural act of urinating either because breastfeeding is eating. It is not something you do in a bathroom.
My first baby is due in September and I plan to do my best to breastfeed her. On the topic of breastfeeding in public - I will barely wear a swimsuit without a cover-up or show my cleavage in public so I 100% plan to be covered up or nursing in private. It's about me and how I feel not what I believe others will think.
I am a NIp kinda mama. At first, I was too shy. I did it in the car. Then one day, my very small infant got hungry in the middle of my grocery shopping trip. It was either nurse him right there in the store, or leave my cart and go to the car. I decided to nurse in the store. I went to an out of the way isle and sat down on the bottle of the rack (there were small parts hanging above my head, in the bike isle). I wasn't showing anything. It was a quiet isle until and employee and customer came over.. and needed something RIGHT above my head. The employee reached over me, got it, and explained the item to the customer. Customer took it and walked off. Employee (a young male) smiled and said something to the effect of "hi. i see you have a small one there!" and walked off. Neither of them flinched at my BF. From then on, I felt confident nursing anywhere I needed to.
I see no reason to hide away. It does send the wrong message. If we are constantly hiding it, it sends the message that we SHOULD hide it.
I would LOVE for someone to tell me I need to go somewhere else to nurse. They won't like the response (and I am generally a very kind person, but don't TELL me I need to go somewhere else) ;)
As for the sign.. it's a step in the right direction. As long as they aren't saying everyone has to go there and nurse, it's fine by me. I wouldn't be using it
I can see where you started out and I agree it's a step in the right direction---If I had been able to nurse, I'd have appreciated a private place myself as I am more modest. I also love the Family Restrooms that are cropping up everywhere so the 4 of us can all go in together and take care of business!! lol.
I don't have anything against women who nurse in public. I did agree with the one person who mentioned women who are looking to start a fight over the issue....
I also think if you can't do it without exposing your boobies, you should use a cover or blanket of some sort. But that doesn't mean you have to go hide in another room. Just drape something over your shoulder....is that wrong of me?
No I know you do not have to hide to feed your child.Yes that is very considerate of them to have a nursing moms room.I think alot of moms have ad will use that area,BECAUSE they feel they HAVE to go and hide in shame to feed their child.I would use the room if my baby was especially fussy or if I was tired and wanted a quiet place to nurse and just relax.Other than that I have not once moved to another room to feed any of my 7 kids.In their own mind the company/place they are doing it out of respect others.
Erin you have it completely right.WHy should we have to go in another room? As long as you are discrete and throw a blanket over your shoulders,IMO that is completely acceptable.To those who think it is rude,well then you go eat in the bathroom or another room with NO ONE to talk to and then tell me if that is fair.I do not flash anyone(of course Ive had a lot of practice lol)I may not like how someone eats with their mouth open,smacking their gums,licking their fingers,making noises while they eat.It may gross me out and I feel that is BAD table manners and should of been taught how to eat like a normal human being.But I am not going to make that person go sit in another room.
Maybe its just there as an option for those who don't feel comfortable nursing out in public. I would rather go in a 'nursing room' than in public myself.. however, I'd rather nurse in public than use a bathroom! I wish I had more confidence nursing in public myself.. I'm getting better though.. I think.
I absolutely agree that it is fine to nurse in public, cover or no cover. Most women are pretty discreet and seeing a little boob is no big deal. However, I prefer to nurse in private for 2 reasons: 1)I want to be physically comfortable (i.e. a nice chair, the seat of my car rather than a bench or step with no back support) and 2) I'm not concerned about a little boob showing, but I hate it when my flab hangs out of my clothes while I'm nursing. That's why I like privacy!!
I am a nursing mom and have been for the last 6 months. I dare someone to say something to me when I'm feeding my son. I may just punch them in the mouth. Okay, so maybe I wouldn't go that far but my response to the comment, "feed your baby in the bathroom" would be "I will start feeding my son in the bathroom when it becomes mandatory for all people to eat in the bathroom. Until then, his rights are the same as everyone else." I do nurse him in public and will continue to do so. We do, however, use a peanut shell nursing cover. I have gotten a few comments from older women thanking me for using my cover or commenting, "I really like your cover!". Regardless of what people thing, I will continue to feed my son the best way that I know how.
I have never felt like I HAD to hide to nurse.. I think it never really bothered me if people noticed.. I might have gotten looks but no one has ever said anything to me about it.. many of times they never knew what I was doing until I unlached my baby and patted his back to burp him... I do like the idea of a nursing room becuase sometimes you do need a quieter spot and some down time and its a nice place to do it.. but I also haven't hesitated to fed my baby while I'm eating - either at home or out and about. If I'm hungry why should they have to wait till I"m done to eat also. I can't believe people would say something to someone else telling them to go hide! That just really floors me!
Audra - Saying that there are a lot of breastfeeding moms looking for a fight is a pretty strong statement. If that were the case, there would be a lot more mom's nursing in public!
Most of the breastfeeding mom's that I know, both in real life and through the internet, aren't ones that are trying to rub it in anyone's face. They are just mom's trying to do what's best for their children and that includes breastfeeding. Where they do it, whether in public or in private, is not some kind of statement. It's just life.
And, pottying in front of people is no comparison to nursing in public.
love this post and glad to see the sign at a park. I went to disneyland last year with a 6 week old and would you believe they didn't have an area to nurse or even a chair in the bathrooms. THis is disneyland, the land of families and kids!! I was outraged and complained where I was told that there was 1 bathroom in the park with a chair, in the front of the park. So basically, I would have to walk a good 30mins to a bathroom to nurse through the day while dragging a 4 yr old. I had to nurse on a park bench in the cold all day! Horrible experience!
People need to get over it! If they aren't comfortable then leave or turn away, geez!!
I dont think there is anything wrong with nursing rooms. I personally would rather breastfeed my baby in a cozy chair in a nice quieter environment. I also dont mind the privacy, but I dont have a problem feeding wherever I am, either.
@Jill's comment, I dont think not having an education past H.S makes someone childish or unable to see the benefits of breastfeeding. I breastfed all 3 of my children and never went to college.I think comments like these turn people off to the breastfeeding community. They think were snobs who look down on anyone who doesnt breastfeed.
For my own personal comfort and in order to nurse in a quieter environment free of distraction (my little one gets more and more distracted as he gets older!), I have retreated to nursing rooms in stadiums and other public venues if they have one. But I HAVE NEVER BEEN ASHAMED to nurse (with a cover) in Panera in the booth, at the mall in the food court, on a park bench, in church, etc. I have gotten some stares, but mostly, people just leave me alone. I am covered, so what's the big deal? I have even had a few people come right up to me and say, "aw, I see you have a baby. Are you keeping him warm?" because they don't even realize that I am feeding the baby. It's all a matter of perspective. It is my choice and right to feed my child with the tools that God gave me to do so. No one at the National Zoo put up a screen when the mother gorilla was nursing her newborn, so why should I be ashamed!!!
I get the perspective of the "other side" of this argument. However, what I don't understand is this feeling like a victim and what seems like breastfeeding moms trying to make other breastfeeding moms feel like victims if they choose to nurse in private. Why can't it be as simple as some breastfeeding moms make the personal choice to do it in private, and not because they're afraid of what others will think. I don't think any breastfeeding mom should have to do something that makes her uncomfortable, and it seems like the moms who publicly breastfeed are almost a little miffed at the ones who don't for not "joining the fight."
I also think it's interesting how nursing mothers seem to be in a separate category from the general public in most of the comments... this "us against the world" mentality. That's why I get the impression that it's about proving some kind of point, if only that you can, so you will. Which is fine if that's the kind of person you are. But don't get down on other moms and make them feel like they're being oppressed if they choose to nurse differently.
Amen! Women should NOT feel like they NEED to go nurse in private. I used to nurse in the middle of the mall, and I got some interesting looks, but other than that it was good. I think that our culture is so BACKWARDS. People see more skin going past Victoria Secret than they do on most nursing moms. The nursing rooms are a nice through for mothers who are shy about nursing....but WHY are they shy about it is the real issue. It should be a normal thing...unfortunately as I said before, we live in a backwards society where the natural and beautiful things in life have become gross, and the truly gross and inappropriate things have become sought after and accepted. Sad.
As a breast feeding mom, I don't mind nursing in public. I do know people that are more private about it. So for those people, I think it is nice that they have somewhere to go so they do not have to resort to a car or the restroom!
I think it's important for any mom to nursing where ever she feels comfortable. I also think it's important that parents don't tell their kids to look away and share that breasts are for breastfeeding. I do worry about our culture's sexual attitudes towards breasts. I have more thoughts here:
http://lizhasalife.com/2010/04/07/breastfeeding-yes-i-have-breasts/
I love this post! What a great topic Chanda. I am active in La Leche League and have tandem nursed. I nurse in public cause it is so easy and for all the points every one else listed above.
But there have been instances where a separate room really would have been nice.
For example, Lizzie gets overstimulated super easy and when she was a baby I had a very hard time nursing her in places like noisy restaraunts without her pitching a HUGE fit. Then out of desperation I'd end up going to the car so I could be comfy and air conditioned and she'd fall asleep. If the restaurant had a nursing mother's room with a rocking chair I would have been in heaven!
And is the nursing room air conditioned at this theme park? If so that might be a super wonderful reprieve from the heat and business of the day.
Just giving another side LOL :) I totally support NIP and wish that it was more normal. But having a quiet place to nurse for babies that won't NIP is super thoughtful of the company.
I have been a nursing mom for almost 9 months now. I don't mind NIP but I do prefer to have a quiet room to nurse in. My son does better when he isn't distracted. I LOVE when places have a nursing moms room.
I am of the opinion that nursing mothers should nurse where and how they and baby are most comfortable. However, in an amusment park setting I would probably be grateful for a separate area to nurse so that I could get in out of the heat and relax and cool down while nursing. I think it's great that they offer a private alternative to a bathroom, which is not a fun place to nurse!
I think it's GREAT breastfeeding is being recognized as more of a "norm". I do see your point that this could be sending the message that "it's ok but just do it where we can't see you", but I also think it's a comfort issue.
When I was nursing my son as an infant, I was THANKFUL to the mall that had "nursing rooms". As a first-time mom, the idea of nursing in public freaked me out - more about me artfully not exposing myself than feeding my son.
As long as the so-called "nursing mother's room" is an OPTION and not required, properly sanitized regularly and furnished with appropriate chairs/couches, etc, I welcome the appearance of these in public places.
Now that Cubby is 19 months, we're down to nursing only twice a day (morning and night) and we're usually home for that - but I like you, wished I would've been more confident to nurse in public where there were no nursing facilities. I constantly took to the car also but it also provided a quiet place for us as Cubby was easily distracted too... :)
To answer your questions, breastfeeding mothers should feel free to nurse how they see fit. Whether it's while walking up and down the aisle grocery shopping, a park bench, or private nursing room. I think it's up to them and their comfort level with it.
For me, I appreciate having the option to be able to sit down and relax with Cubby while he has his "Mamma's Milk" but if it's not convenient for me to do so, I'll nurse him wherever.
I think having nursing rooms are sending the message that it's OK to nurse in public - and if you feel uncomfortable, we've provided a place for you (maybe I'm naive though).
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