As Bubby and I are doing this, the hubs reads to Cakes and gets some daddy-daughter cuddle time in. Once I am done with Bubby, I then lie in bed with my girl and cuddle a bit until she falls asleep. She does not fall asleep by herself. Never has, and I'm afraid, never will! To make things even more difficult, no one but mama can "sleep" with her at bedtime.
It's really not that big of a deal, but I feel like maybe I need to put an end to it. Although, most nights, I really don't mind the quiet time just lying in bed with my sweet girl cuddled up next to me playing with my hair. In fact, I enjoy it...as long as I don't have a million things to do. It doesn't take her very long to fall asleep (usually about 15 minutes) and sometimes I even get in a little power nap.
But, shouldn't she learn to fall asleep without me?
She's 4.5 and has only slept away from me one night, the night her brother was born. It didn't go well and the Hubby had to go help put her to bed. She spent the second night in the hospital with us. It was against hospital policy, but the nurses "didn't notice" that she was there.
Isn't it my job as a mom to help her learn?
My almost 2-year old goes to sleep by himself every night because I swore I wasn't going to have 2 kids that needed me to fall asleep. I made sure he learned how to do it on his own from pretty early on. And now he's so easy to put down for a nap and bedtime. But I don't get that special 15-30 minutes of sleepy cuddles.
Hmmmmm.
What is your kids' bedtime routine like? What would you do, or not do differently?
10 comments:
I never nursed mine to sleep nor rocked, in fact we put her to sleep only in her crib. Which is GREAT 99% of the time. The only time it's not? When we are out somewhere and it would be gREAT if she would just lay down and go to sleep, but there is no crib. Sigh.
I believe teaching your child to sleep independently is one of the most beneficial things you can do. We are not inately born knowing how to sleep; it is a taught thing. Your son can do it, and so will she--with just a little help.
You could do it in baby steps- do a few nights lying with her, then a few nights sitting in a chair next to the bed, then near the door, then out. You get the point...
It'll be nice relief for you (it is stressful being needed in this kind of way) and heck, it does need to be acceptable for her to sleep well for others, including dad.
Hope that helps--i moderated for Baby Whisperer for a lot of years and both my kiddos are independent sleepers. Feel free to email me if you have any further questions.
Thanks for posting this. At what point did your younger one start falling asleep on his own, and how did you accomplish this?
When my baby was little I wasn't aware that there were ways to gradually teach a little person to fall asleep on their own. I thought my options were "cry it out" (or a variation thereof, which I am not interested in), use a pacifier (didn't work for us), or rock/nurse/bounce/rub back/whatever it takes to get him asleep. I read No Cry Sleep Solution when he was about 9 months old and wish I would have had it sooner. Our bedtime routine is some play time with daddy, read books, brush teeth, change diaper, nurse, put in crib, pat back or keep hand on back until asleep. My little guy (14 months) won't nurse unless we're in a dark room, and by the end he is usually 90% asleep. When I'm not home he will fall asleep just fine without nursing, although he wakes up hungry a few hours later, or I feed him in his sleep when I get home. We have been slowly slowly working to get him used to falling asleep without patting his back. He does not sleep through the night...at all.
If we're blessed with another, I will do things a tiny little bit differently, but I don't think it is wrong to physically comfort (by nursing, rocking, rubbing back) your child when they are tired and need to relax, especially when they are tiny.
I am not a baby whisperer fan by any means (sorry SamiJoe, but I hated that book) but her suggestion of gradually removing yourself sounds good to me.
@Hannah- no worries! The No-Cry Sleep Solution is a very good read!
I totally agree with Jill above. My daughter is exactly the same. She goes to sleep just fine in a crib or pack n play, but getting her to go to sleep in a stroller or on a blanket on the beach (we were just on vacation so we tried this a lot) is just NOT GOING TO HAPPEN!
But I can go out in the evening and leave her for sleepovers with my parents and in-laws with no problems.
@Hannah - I don't remember when he started to fall asleep on his own. It was a very gradual process, but I was determined to make it happen! The No-Cry Sleep Solution was very helpful but to be completely honest, there was a bit of crying. I wouldn't say we cried it out by any means but a few minutes of fussing never hurt anyone. :)
The Bubby starts Mother's Day out next week and I'm interested to see what he does for nap time. He only sleeps in his crib at home in complete darkness with a sound machine, so it might be a struggle. I hope he doesn't nap there so he'll go down for his usual 2:00 nap once we get home!
Ohhh... we're going through this with our 17 month old.... hubby (and grandma) won't let her cry herself to sleep. We put her to bed and then she wakes up around 3am and usually stays in our bed the rest of the night... Hope to have her stay in her crib some night soon. Our 6 year old started sleeping in her own bed at about 2 1/2.
No haters please, but I never "put" mine to sleep. Both a book and my pediatrician urged me to let them learn to put themselves to sleep. And they've done it since they were 5 months old. Which is great b/c it frees me up, hubs and I can have a date night every so often, and the sitters never have to deal w/ any drama....we did CIO (cry it out) from the start, and within 4 nights I have twins that were 5 months old sleeping 12 hours straight. It's still pretty seamless and I'm glad we started it long ago.
I agree your daughter should probably learn to do it on her own....
I give him a bath, PJ's and then I nurse him and cuddle him until he falls asleep. Then I put him into his crib. He does not STTN and is up usually 2 times at night to nurse.
Post a Comment